Thursday, 06 November 2008

Monday, 11 February 2008

  • ... its been what? ... two years? Geez, I feel so old. Last time I wrote here ... I was 18. Now I'm 20. Shit. I know its only two years ... but it sounds sooo long. 18 then ... 20 now. Gosh, the things that happened everything in between.

    I would get into detail, but then I would get pissed off. Get depressed. &&just be stuck back there the rest of the night. Which isnt exactly what I want to do.

    Lets just say life been a rollercoaster. Full of emotions up and down. I lost someone I loved. I lost my bestfriend. Le Ron actually no ... Wee Won ... lol. Not a day goes by that I dont think of you. Not a day goes by, I think about the times we spent together. The fun times, the drunk times, the sad times, and the boring times. I miss u babe!

    The things I know now ... i wish I knew back then. But dont we all think that? Well ... I would keep going on. Except ... i dont know what to say. I dont know what to think. For the first time ever, for the longest time ever. Ive just been empty ... just numb.

    Yea ... just empty and numb.

Wednesday, 11 October 2006


  • ".... Unless, I don't know, maybe what they're really fighting over is love - or at least the prospect of love, someone to love - and if that's the case, then the only thing worse then fighting over a guy is not having a guy to fight for. I used to have a guy to fight for. We didn't spend like, a ton of time together, but you know the saying, 'The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long' ? Um... well that was us... and then he was gone. But before he left, he told me to move on. I guess he didn't want to burn me with the wait, you know, but it's like Tom Petty says, 'The waiting is the hardest part.' But the heart doesn't have a kill switch, you know, part of me is afraid I'll never find a love like that again. Another part of me is afraid that I will. I guess I wonder about it a lot. Would finding someone else be a betrayal of what we had? Would it make what we had, any less real? And more so, am I kidding myself because I think that one day he'll be back? Because every time there is a knock on the door, for a split second I think, maybe it's him, you know? Or I'll be walking on the street and I'll see some guy that kinda looks like him, my heart just stops. And for a moment, he's here. Anyway, maybe about now you're thinking, whatever, cry me a river, is there actually a point to all this? ....."

Friday, 18 August 2006

  • ... &&so i got my answer.

    I hate this stupid shit. I shouldve been ready. I knew the answer. Yet, i didnt see it. Lord help me. Lord i pray for the courage and the strength.

    I got my bestest by my side. And they're all i need.

    Ain't no talkin to this man
    Ain't no pretty other side
    Ain't no way to understand the stupid words of pride
    It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so
    I'm gonna let him fly
    Things can move at such a pace
    The second hand just waved goodbye
    You know the light has left his face
    But you can't recall just where or why
    So there was really nothing to it
    I just went and cut right through it
    I said I'm gonna let him fly

    There's no mercy in a live wire
    No rest at all in freedom
    Of the choices we are given it's no choice at all
    The proof is in the fire
    You touch before it moves away
    But you must always know how long to stay and when to go

    And there ain't no talkin to this man
    He's been tryin to tell me so
    It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
    Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
    I'm gonna let him fly
    I'm gonna let him fly
    I'm gonna let him fly

Thursday, 17 August 2006

  • Currently Listening
    Cassie
    By Cassie
    see related

    "Baby I can't go anywhere. Without thinking that you're there seeing you everywhere , it's true. Gotta be having Déjà Vu! Cause' in my mind I want you HERE. Get on the next plane, I don't CARE. Is it because I'm missing you. That I'm having Déjà Vu?

    Know that I can't get over you. 'Cause everything I see is you. And I don't want no substitute. Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu. Know that I can't get over you. Cause everything I see is you. And I don't want no substitute. Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu"

    I dont think i can do it. Im trying hard. But isnt everyday suppose to get easier? Everyday, it just gets harder. I dread for the day he comes back. Scared to look at him. Scared to see him. Scared to hear his voice. Yet, just thinking about seeing him. Even if its just for one day. I get butterflies in my tummy. My heart skips beats. &&i cant help but smile. &&even tear a little. Cause, i know all i'm going to do is hug him. &&never let go.

    His letters are comfort for me. His voice on the other end when he calls makes me feel complete. &&our pictures. Our memories ... makes me remember how it felt like to be in heaven.

    Summer is almost over. &&it has been a amazing summer. Although, nothing can top summer of 2005. Last summer was all about love. About experincing that summer love. That REAL summer love. &&this summer. Was all about growing up. About finding yourself. Finding yourself changing. Feeling things different. Viewing things different. &&doing things different. This summer is about moving on. Moving on to bigger and better things. This summer was about goodbyes.

    &&in all those goodbyes that has happened already. &&is about to happen ... you realize how you can't stay a kid forever. Everyone moves on. To live their life. To learn and experince being on their own. To be independent. To grow up.

    Life is just so much more amazing after HS.